The Struggles of a Non-Binary Couple

When dating, it’s important to stay true to yourself

Acceptance of the LGBTQ community has come a long way, but some rough spots are still yet to smoothen out.

Although non-binary individuals are part of the LGBTQ society, they face a set of unique challenges, especially when dating. It’s harder for non-binary folks to find date places because of societal gender norms. In addition, there are limited gender-inclusive options.

In this article, we'll take a look at some of the challenges non-binary couples face when dating and when looking for date venues.

How to Reduce Dating Anxiety as a Non-Binary

As we've seen, dating as a non-binary is pretty challenging. The world pays more attention to heteronormative and cisgender ideals. When you exist beyond this binary, dating can be frustrating, and you may not know how to navigate it.

Here are several ways you can approach dating when you're non-binary;

1. Ask About Queer Acceptance

When you're in a talking stage with a potential partner, it is advisable to ask whether they accept you as a gender-non-conforming individual.

Based on their answer, you can choose to keep going or pull the plug.

2. Anticipate Disappointing Dates and Interactions

According to a recent study, more than 87% of people wouldn't date a trans person. As such, you should brace yourself for a sour date every now and then.

While this might seem depressing, it allows you to meet new people, broaden your perspective and clarify what you really want.

3. Stay True to Yourself

One advantage of gender non-conforming individuals is that they are free to explore their gender and identity. Sticking with your authenticity allows you to choose your dates, and you have a bigger influence on your love stories.

4. Safety is Non-Negotiable

Safety is a major concern for queer people, non-binary included.

Before you choose to reveal your gender identity, ensure you feel safe with the person and the environment you're in. In such cases, it is advisable to put yourself first and leave at the first sign of a threat or block them from contacting you.

5. Date within the Community

Compared to most queer individuals, non-binary people can date anyone on the sexual spectrum.

Dating is tough as it is, so dating within the LGBTQ community makes it easy to talk and share experiences. It increases the chances of meeting people who share your values and ideals.

For instance, you can give bisexual dating a shot on apps designed exclusively for the LGBTQ community, such as Taimi.

Tips for Dating a Non-Binary Person

Naturally, society is set to accommodate binary people, and it is considerably easier to date within particular binaries. This makes dating a non-binary person challenging. Technically, non-binary dating encourages questioning what we know, asking questions, and learning.

Below are useful tips for binary people interested in dating non-binary individuals;

1. Ask About Pronouns

Ask your partner how they'd want to be addressed to avoid misgendering them. They typically have a preferred set of gender-neutral pronouns or neopronouns developed for non-binary people.

Ask what to call your partner when introducing/talking about them.

Non-binary people are often targets of prejudice, harassment, and sometimes violence. Using they/them to your friends might be coming out for them, so have a plan for when you're in potentially unsafe situations.

2. Never Ask for their Deadname

We were all assigned sex and a name at birth. So, when you don't identify with your sex, you'll most likely not identify with your name, and you might change it. A deadname is a birth name that someone no longer uses.

It’s extremely rude to inquire about a deadname, so use the name they ask you to. Sharing their deadname is entirely up to them.

3. Ask How They Like to Talk About their Body

Although not all of them, non-binary individuals tend to experience body dysphoria as a result of their gender identity. This is a condition where a person experiences distress and discomfort because their gender identity doesn't match the one assigned at birth.

If your partner has gender dysphoria, take extra care when talking about intimacy or getting intimate.

4. Don't Expect Lessons on Non-Binary Experiences

It's natural to be curious about your partner, and there's no fault in that. However, it is important to note that non-binary individuals often have to justify their existence. This means that sometimes, your curiosity might be a burden.

Add conscious statements such as “if you feel like talking about it” to respect their willingness or unwillingness to share.

Challenges You Might Face Going Out on a Date

Finding inclusive spots for dates is a common problem for non-binary people

1. Gendered Spaces

Most traditional venues, such as theaters, restaurants, game rooms, or clubs, often have gendered facilities such as spas, restrooms, and designated seating areas. This might be uncomfortable for non-binary folks, and they are sometimes forced to choose between binary-gendered options.

2. Dress Codes

Non-binary face dress code challenges wherever they go, especially in workplaces. However, this problem might reflect in some date venues. Such places enforce strict dress codes that align with traditional heteronormative genders. This makes it harder for a non-binary person to enjoy such venues without compromising their authenticity.

3. Assumptions and Misgendering

This is a pretty common problem within the non-binary community. They are often misgendered by staff or other patrons at a facility.

4. Lack of Representation

When it comes to the queer community, gays and lesbians have more going for them in terms of date venues. There are gay and lesbian bars in almost every state.

While they might be open to the population of other sexual orientations, they're not particularly non-binary friendly.

Non-binary people lack safe social spaces where they can live their truth.

5. Safety Concerns

As a part of the LGBTQ community, non-binary people also face safety issues when they're out in public. Their safety and well-being might be compromised in public spaces due to discrimination and transphobia.

6. Limited Options in Smaller Communities

If you come from a small town, it may be harder to find gender-inclusive date venues. In addition, limited options are a nightmare for people who are yet to come out.

Conclusion

As a non-binary individual, it is highly important to prioritize your comfort, safety, and authenticity when dating or going out with a partner. It’s also important to hang out in gender-inclusive establishments and spaces that respect and celebrate your identities.

What are your dating experiences as a non-binary person? Do you have trouble finding the right date venues when going out? Share your stories with us. We’d love to hear from you!